The MatrixReDyed
by Random Thoughts
Summary: Numerous things occur involving hair products. Just read it! Rated for swearing, but only a little.
1. The One's own personal Barbie

Disclaimer: I don't own The Matrix, even if it'd be really cool if I did, don't you think? I also don't own anything else in this story, except the plot.  
  
A/N: This is kind of a stupid idea I got, but I'll write it anyway. It's only rated PG-13 so I can say almost anything I want to, profanity wise. Okay?  
  
The Matrix: Re- Dyed  
  
Morpheus: Trinity, I'm putting you on this assignment because I really trust you and I think you can handle it. Seriously.  
  
Trinity (suspiciously): Are you sure? I could kick your ass, you know.  
  
Morpheus: Of course I'm sure. Why didn't I tell Neo, you ask? Because he, too would want this assignment. Now, go.  
  
(We now see Trinity, glancing furtively around before ducking into a small building. Then, we see the sign on the front of the building. It says 'HAIR DESIGNS FOR LESS'.  
  
Lady at the front counter: Hiya, hon! What do you want today, huh?  
  
Trinity: I need. (she leans in and whispers in the lady's ear)  
  
Lady: Oh, sure, hon, we do that all the time!  
  
(Now we see Trinity, looking very mad. Her head is covered in tin foil)  
  
Lady from the front who is also the stylist: So, I says to the guy, get outta here! I paid for this apartment, and I can kick you out whenever I want!  
  
Trinity (to herself): Oookay, Trinity. Get up. Just get up and kick her butt. The hell with Morpheus.  
  
Lady: Sounds like you're having problems with this Morpigus guy. Hon, take my word for it, just leave him, all right? Oops, there's my timer! (she takes off the tin foil) Now look in the mirror! Gorgeous, just gorgeous! (Trinity looks in the mirror. She is now platinum blonde.)  
  
Trinity: Giggle! Oh, look how pretty I am! I've got to go show Neo!  
  
Lady: Yeah, stick with this Neo guy. He sounds like a real keeper!  
  
(Trinity skips along the street.)  
  
Trinity (singing): My name is Trinity, and I'm very pretty. I brush my hair and I'm blonde and beautiful.  
  
(Neo lands near her, and then does a double take.)  
  
Neo: Trinity, you're BLONDE!  
  
Trinity: Yes, isn't it pretty? I also come with my own life size Nebuchadnezzar playset, and my own Neo! (as if to a camera) You know, Neo's name spells 'One' rearranged! Can you spell it, too?  
  
Neo: Um, Trinity, are you all right? You're acting, well, strange.  
  
Trinity: Oh, yes, I'm fine, Neo! You know, Neo almost spells 'Ken' rearranged, too! You should take off that black coat. It's hot, and you have a whole fashion wardrobe to choose from in the loading program!  
  
Neo (horrified): Take off my coat? Trinity, it's not really hot, we're in the Matrix. Come on, we had better get to an exit.  
  
Trinity: No, Neo, I can't! Morpheus told me to stay here. I have a responsibility. Can you spell that, Neo?  
  
Neo (insultec): Of course I can! I'm the One! R-E-S-O- no, R-E-S-P-O-S- Anyway, I have to fix you. (Neo tries to rearrange the Matrix code but he can't. His eyes widen.)  
  
Neo: But-but I'm the One! I should be able to change your hair back!  
  
Trinity: Neo, you're silly! Blonde is nice!  
  
(Neo's cell phone rings.)  
  
Neo: Hello?  
  
Morpheus: Hello, Neo. How is Trinity? (muffles laughter)  
  
Neo: You son of a bitch! What'd you tell her to do?  
  
Morpheus (howls with laughter): SHE DYED HER HAIR BLONDE! HAHAHA! I ALWAYS WANTED HER HAIR, AND NOW HER HAIR IS BLONDE! IT CANNOT TORMENT ME ANYMORE!  
  
Neo: Yeah, right! Her hair is still better than yours, because you're bald!  
  
Morpheus: Arrgh! Don't say that word!  
  
Neo: BALD! BALD! BALDBALDBALD as a ping pong ball!  
  
(Morpheus screams and hangs up the phone. Then he glares around, and gets a crazed expression on his face)  
  
Morpheus: I will show them all! I SHALL AVENGE COOL BALD PEOPLE EVERYWHERE!  
  
A/N: Quite strange, don't you think? Review please, and be honest. Well, maybe not too honest, because flames might make me cry. 


	2. The Twins are dehaired

A/N: Omg! Thank you SO much to Dragon Faere, newrame, alocin, and Decom for reviewing! I might cry anyway, cause you're so NICE!  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own, don't want to own-waaait a minute, if I owned the Matrix I'd be rich.okay, I do want to own it, but I don't.  
  
(We now see Morpheus on a motorcycle. The expression on his face says that he has gone pretty much nuts. In his left hand is.a razor?)  
  
Morpheus: Ah ha ha ha ha!  
  
(The Twins are in a car ahead of him. One looks back over his shoulder.)  
  
Twin One: Arrrgghh! Faster, he's gaining on us!  
  
Twin Two: I can't make this stupid car go any faster!  
  
Twin One: I know!  
  
Morpheus: Look ou-ut, little Twinsies! HAHA! I will show them all! It's good to have no hair!  
  
Twin Two: We cannot lose our British-in-dreadlocks coolness!  
  
Twin One: If we lose our hair, all we shall have is British coolness! NOOOOOOOOOOO! (He suddenly screams as Morpheus catches up and, in one fell swoop, shaves half of his dreadlocks off.)  
  
Twin One (crying): No! My beautiful hair! Why'd you have to pick a convertible, Two?  
  
Twin Two: You picked it, too! Anyway, you could just turn ghostie and grow it back, right?  
  
Twin One (sniffles): Yes, I could. (Nothing happens) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! By making me half bald, that stupid jerk has eliminated my ghostie-ing power! ARRRGGGHHH!  
  
Twin Two: Oh shit! It was the dreads all along that made us so cool! DON'T LET HIM GET ME!!!!  
  
Morpheus: AHHAHAHAHA! Now they shall see what being bald is like! Everyone makes jokes at your expense, and you cannot turn into a ghostie! Waaaiiit a minute! Why can't Neo turn into a ghostie? He has hair! Ah, well, I'll have to ask him later, once he's been balded. (to Twin Two) I've got you now!  
  
Twin One: Turn ghostie!  
  
Twin Two: Too late! ARGGHH! My beautiful HAIR! (to Morpheus) I spend three hours on this every morning! YOU WILL PAY!  
  
Twin One: At least you're balder than me.  
  
Twin Two: I am not!  
  
Twin One: Are too!  
  
Twin Two: Oh no! Do you know how much the Merovingian will make fun of us?  
  
Twin One: He makes fun of everyone! Bald people, short people, women in last year's fashions.  
  
Twin Two: People who stand there looking uncomfortable when their dogs go to the bathroom on the sidewalk. (A/N: I've had it happen)  
  
Twin One: Well, that is funny. But we'll never hear the end of it from him!  
  
Twin Two: We could get wigs.  
  
Twin One: Yes, but he would notice.  
  
Twin Two: True. ARGH! We shall be mercilessly taunted!  
  
Morpheus: Hmm, a wig!  
  
(Meanwhile, in Trinity's restaurant playset-er, a restaurant in the Matrix.)  
  
Trinity: I'll have the pinkest food you have!  
  
Waiter: That would be the shrimp.  
  
Trinity: Oh, I couldn't eat cute little shrimp! Maybe I won't eat, so I can get skinnier.  
  
Neo: Trinity, you've got to get out of the Matrix so your hair will be fixed.  
  
Trinity: Oh, no, Ken-  
  
Neo: Neo.  
  
Trinity: Oh, yes, Neo. Anyway, I can't leave! I've got to stay, support the local police, and be a good example to girls everywhere!  
  
Neo: Uh, we shoot police all the time. Maybe girls, too, come to think of it. Trinity, you can't be a good example with a waist two inches around!  
  
Trinity (ignoring Neo): I'll get a pink corvette, and a pink pony!  
  
Neo (to himself): I think it's time I thought up a solution.  
  
What will happen next time on Matrix Re-Dyed? Will Morpheus buy a wig, or will he turn to Rogaine? Review and find out! 


	3. Problems arise and go unsolved

A/N: I just saw Matrix: Revolutions yesterday. I don't know what your opinions were, but I really didn't like it (authoress sobs and pulls her hair out). I wanted to like it, I really did, I tried, but I just COULDN'T. (sighs) Oh well. I still love the first two. I'll either see the third one again or I'll pretend it doesn't exist. Yeah.  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own Matrix. Wish I did, but if wishes were asparagus then beggars would be swamped in the stuff.  
  
(The crew of the Nebuchadnezzar is standing and looking shocked. This includes the dead guys (Tank, Dozer, Apoc, Switch), the guy who did not sign on until the collective demise of Tank and Dozer (Link), and the bastard who is also dead (Cypher).)  
  
Morpheus: Tada! How do I look?  
  
Tank (whispers): Uh, who's gonna tell him that's a mop?  
  
Dozer: Not me.  
  
Morpheus (In Zion pep talk voice): Fools! Of course I know it's a mop! It will give me dreadlocks coolness!  
  
Cypher: Well, I always hoped he wouldn't get hair so I wouldn't be the baldest guy, but (shrugs) this has got to be an exception. At least I'm not the stupidest anymore.  
  
Switch: Ahem. I believe you still retain the title of stupidest.  
  
Cypher (in utter disbelief): After seeing that you call me the stupidest?  
  
Apoc: I agree. You are the stupidest.  
  
(Everyone looks at each other.)  
  
Tank: Uh, what was that?  
  
Switch: It was Apoc's voice, I think!  
  
Dozer: Oh my god! I've never actually heard him speak!  
  
(all look reverently at Apoc)  
  
Morpheus: Ahem. I must also inform you that I am making my wig mandatory shipboard wear.  
  
Everyone: NOOOO!  
  
Cypher (whining): But then Trinity will make fun of me! She won't like me anymore!  
  
Switch: Uh, I think you've already crossed that bridge.  
  
(Meanwhile, within the Matrix.)  
  
Trinity: Yay, shopping spree! I need pink high heels, pink shirt, pink striped pants.  
  
(Neo bursts out of a dressing room. Trinity stares at him)  
  
Neo: Do you like my new clothes?  
  
Trinity: They're.pink?  
  
Neo: I thought you liked pink!  
  
Trinity: Yes, for girls! Ken, silly, blue is for boys.  
  
Neo (throws hands up in despair): ARGH!  
  
(Meanwhile, at the Merovingian's place.)  
  
Twin One: Are you sure we should do this?  
  
Twin Two: Of course! (unscrews the shower head and pours something in it)  
  
Twin Two: I don't know.  
  
Twin One: Uh, you're talking to yourself again.  
  
Twin One: Well, you do it, too!  
  
Twin Two (venomously): Curse that bald fool and the Merovingian!  
  
Twin One: Uh oh, I hear someone. Run!! (They run like bats outta heck, running into things as they forget they've lost their ghostie-ing power)  
  
Persephone: I think I'll take a shower. A nice, relaxing shower. (takes of bathrobe and steps into the shower and turns the water on) EEEUUUCCCHHH!!!  
  
Next Time: What have the Twins done? Review if you're reading this! I know where you live.or not. Just review!! 


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